Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
