found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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