Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
