It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
