ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
