You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize