she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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