ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
