If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
