I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
