so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize