I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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