I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We are two peas in an std pod
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sext me about skeletons
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
