What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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