we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize