apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
