I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am naked and annoyed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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