9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
