I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
