Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
