so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
