my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
