I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
