I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My dick has a subreddit
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
