I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
