We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
