Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
