You really coming over, don't trick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
