I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
