I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
