Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
