I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You are a genius and a whore.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
