I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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