Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
