I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
