she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
