20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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