I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
