I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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