I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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