Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have already put on my inside pants.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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