erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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