We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
