I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
