oh god the rape fog is back!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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