How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
