So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
