Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
