Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize