My nipple is on Facebook.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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