so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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