My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
