Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
