i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
