this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
