My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize