my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
