38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We just shotgunned beers for America
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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