Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
