Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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