You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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