Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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