I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
