I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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