i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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