Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
