He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
