I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
