if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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