Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
