You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
