through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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