i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
