Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
