I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
