I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
