why didn't you poke me back
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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