Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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