I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
