wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize