Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
