I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
