fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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