I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
