I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I currently don't understand fingers.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
