I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
