first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
