Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize