I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
