dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
