I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
