At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
