i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
