i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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