Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
