hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize