Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
