No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
