it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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