I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize