sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
