shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
