So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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